I had the remarkable good fortune to participate in two exceptional training courses that were back to back. One course was the eWomenNetwork High Performance Training, and the other was the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) Module 3 training course. Though they are different organizations, both groups ultimately aspire to do the same thing: raise our level of consciousness when we decide to interact with each other.
One issue that often comes up for women entrepreneurs is the negative connotations that come with being aggressive or assertive. This issue came up in one of the courses, and I want to address it head on. Yes, I’m talking about the “b-word,” bitch. As women, we can lament all we want about the unfairness of being tagged as such, or we can embrace it.
For me, BITCH stands for the following:
This is a simple reframe. We were put on this earth with a great deal of intuition, and for some reason, it is okay to embrace that intuition . . . only if you are a mother. There are constant references to how “mothers always know” or “my motherly intuition told me.” Your intuition is not tied to your womb. It is tied to your self-esteem. Your bitch is part of your intuitive system.
When your BITCH appears, the question that needs to be asked is, is she here to protect me or not? Our assertiveness should enforce boundaries, not lord power over another person, which is just low self-esteem. If your intuition tells you that someone is crossing a line that breaches your values or your self-esteem, unleash the bitch.
I’m not advocating violent language or a physical attack. What I am advocating is for you to embrace that feeling in your gut that tells you to stand up for yourself. Don’t apologize for it. Don’t try to avoid it, rationalize it, or settle for less, because the more you do that, the more likely you are allowing others to take advantage of you, which is classic saboteur and victim archetype behaviours. Further, if someone can’t handle you outlining your expectations, it is his or her problem and not yours. You are just being honest in the circumstance, and there is never anything wrong with being honest.
As women, we need to stop labelling each other as well. We are guilty of passing some pretty horrible judgments on each other. If we don’t want men to label us, then change needs to come from within each of us.
As Sandra Yancey, one of my many mentors and founder of eWomenNetwork, states:
Give First—Share Always.
Lift As You Climb.
It’s not about Me; it’s about the We. It takes teamwork to make the dreamwork.
Have an amazing day, Di xo